PILLAR: SERVICE
A life dedicated to learning will lead to countless open doors. It is a key ingredient to functional being. Careful, though. Learning can be self-serving. Without taking the benefits of our learning beyond the parameters of ourselves, we miss out on profound joy and sense of purpose.
Take the example of a perennial graduate student. We have all met this collector of doctoral degrees whose most significant contribution to society after a lifetime of study is the occasional (and often condescending) quip he makes at a dinner party. Contrast this erudite character with a person who possesses the same zeal for education but uses her learning to inspire others as a teacher. The first is focusing on learning in a selfish way that is just for show, while the second is learning in order to provide a service.
While the professional grad student would be considered successful in life by many external measures, he will lack fulfillment. Furthermore, his life, being without service, will lack resilience.
In Resilience Parenting the chapter on service details how finding ways to serve others leads to independence, connectedness, and resilience. It also suggests methods for teaching this important aspect of a fulfilled life to our children. After reading the snippets below for a few thoughts on service and connectedness, we hope you are inspired to learn more about how this virtue can empower your children!.
SERVICE AND CONNECTEDNESS
The word philanthropy comes from the Greek words for “love” and “humanity.” It is no wonder, then, that serving others with the goal to promote their welfare leads to a feeling of connectedness and a greater appreciation for our shared humanity.
A few years back, our family had an opportunity to build a house for a Romanian family in need. While we worked with them on this common mission of house-building, we laughed together, learned together, and lunched together. In addition to a house, we were building a bridge between heretofore separate lives.
In this particular setting, there were several human factors that traditionally serve as barriers to the possibility of building such a bridge. We did not speak the same language as the people with whom we were working, were not familiar with cultural customs, and came from drastically different economic backgrounds, to name a few potential roadblocks. Yet the spirit of service is one that transcends such impediments. By acknowledging the existence and importance of other human lives, this spirit connects people with a mortar that is mightier than the unfortunate human inclination toward suspicion of otherness.
While acts of service can be ephemeral, perhaps as fleeting as a kind smile to a passerby, the human connections they construct are concrete. Sometimes it is an overall abstract impression of philanthropy that has us feeling connected with people in general. In other cases, our acts of service have an inspirational effect, causing others to create their own service projects, which lead still others to do the same, connecting us like links in a charitable chain.
To understand how connectedness leads to resilience, keep reading with us!