Resilience Parenting
How resilient are we? What about our children?
We may be successful, and maybe our children are too. Often, though, life throws incidents our way that we are not expecting and not readily equipped to handle. So how do we survive? Resilience. We live like bamboo, deeply rooted but also able to flex in the wind. When we are resilient, we are secure yet adaptable. We are connected yet independent. Moreover, if we do ever break under the pressure of the turning seasons, we have the wherewithal to bounce back.
Parents want children to be resilient but often make choices that do not support the connectedness and independence that resilience requires. We are raising a generation of children who are not connected—to their families or each other—because an overdependence on digital communication and entertainment has robbed them of the fundamentals of real human interaction. Meanwhile, a culture bent on protecting children from challenges and disappointments is causing them to be overly dependent. Childhoods replete with instant everything, including instant gratification and guaranteed gold stars, rob this generation of the opportunity to build independence through hard work and occasional failure. Given this cultural climate, our choices about how to cultivate resilience in our children are critical.
There is a solution. We will explore together in the coming pages how parents can impart resilience, connectedness, and independence to their children. Our concept emphasizes the role of parents as teachers and prescribes using the three Pillars—Learning, Integrity, and Service—to construct conversations and actions that teach resilience. At the same time, we will specify how these Pillars lay the foundation for a fulfilling life that works. After helping you make your lesson plan for these fundamental concepts, we will delve into the teaching methods themselves, preparing you to teach with grace and aplomb.
Reviews
“Parents, both new and old, will find much of value in these pages.”
Kirkus Review
“This is the book that the nurse should hand new parents at the hospital. It is an articulate, straightforward, and approachable guidebook, which can be easily read in just a handful of hours, on transforming the bundle of baby into a productive adult.”
Martial Journal
“Chris is fighting the twin evils of our era: excessive fear for our kids, and busybodies trying to enforce it.”
Lenore Skenazy, president of Let Grow, author of “Free-Range Kids,” and founder of the Free Range-Kids movement
“Resilience Parenting provides a new twist on time-tested tactics that will help us be better and do better. Read this book!”
Connor Boyack, president of the Libertas Institute and author of “Passion-Driven Education: How to Use Your Child’s Interests to Ignite a Lifelong Love of Learning”
“This is a superb and practical book, founded on years of teaching and parenting. The principles in this book provide the life tools missing in most homes and classrooms today. Learn them, then use them.”
Steven P. Bucci, former Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Homeland Defense
“People say there is no handbook when it comes to raising kids. Not true anymore. Resilience Parenting is it if you want to raise kids who can handle anything! I’ve worked with children for thirty years, and I wish I had the wisdom contained in this book when I started. It would have made me a far better parent and teacher.”
Mark Goblowsky, host of the podcast Strength Through the Struggle
“As a Special Forces Officer and lifelong student of leadership and training, I have spent a lot of time and effort trying to divine what makes a person more resilient. Chris and Holly Santillo’s book Resilience Parenting masterfully distills what they have learned in over twenty years of teaching martial arts and parenting and conveys those lessons in an easy to understand and entirely implementable way. As someone who has entrusted my children to their training–and who personally knows their three boys–I can attest that what they do works. I give his book my strongest possible recommendation.”
Roger D. Carstens, Lieutenant Colonel US Army Special Forces (retired)
“We are at a crossroads in our country. We either continue down the path we are on–creating generations of kids who lack mental fortitude, emotional resilience, and physical health, leading our country to financial, moral, and social ruin–or we pivot and begin to create the conditions for our children to grow into mature, healthy, free, and fully functioning adults. Resilience Parenting is a road map toward the latter. I hope enough parents are smart enough to pick it up.”
Michael D. Ostrolenk, MA, MFT, Master Coach and Program Director of the SEALFIT Unbeatable Mind Academy
“As parents and educators, we all want to guide our children to be strong, independent, and resilient. This book is a must-read for all. Highly recommend!”
Chip Townsend, 14x ISKA World Champion, 7x World Record Holder
“Resilience Parenting is an approach grounded in truth that lays out a clear actionable road map to grow the potential of your child. Far more than superficial advice, its approach creates sustainable pillars for your child to build their life upon. If I could only recommend one parenting book for someone to read, this would be it!”
Christopher Rappold, Executive Director of Team Paul Mitchell
“I have known Chris and Holly for a long time. I have watched them teach self-respect and self-mastery in the dojo and then successfully transfer that knowledge to parenting three boys. I know that they have been successful because I have seen those boys come in for immunizations aware and unafraid, get the shots without crying, and leave proud of themselves. This type of parenting is worth emulating.”
Dr. Jacki Arnold, MD, FAAP, pediatrician and parent
From the Authors
Greetings! You are here, we presume, because you are one of the wonderful people in this world who wish to help a child live fully, confidently, connected to the world without being overly dependent. We are grateful to you for seeking answers to your questions. Guiding the next generation is perhaps our most significant charge, and we hope that the words of this book, distilled from our experience working with thousands of children and parents, will inspire you to wake to your mission with a new light.
- Perhaps you are having trouble communicating with your child/ren effectively?
- Does he or she have trouble interacting with the world, as well?
- Are you afraid that your child is unable to deal effectively with life’s inevitable challenges?
This book is designed to empower you to be an inspiring mentor who effectively teaches children how to be strong, adaptable, and able to recover from failure. You can be their guide to resilience. With this newfound confidence, your children will be able to live functional and fulfilling lives. Our current culture seems to be producing young adults who are simultaneously detached from their parents and overly dependent on them. It is our hope that the thoughts carefully chosen for this book will help you guide your children to rise above this tide and, perhaps, change its course. Shortly after release, one reader reported that she was brought to tears by how the simple tools in this book dramatically changed her ability to communicate with her daughter–for the first time in a long time, her daughter listened. As teachers, stories like these are gold. Our goal in writing this book was to offer to a broad audience the lessons we have learned and shared with the parents of our students. If you have a breakthrough with your children, please let us know! We will be so grateful to know our work is bearing fruit.
“We want our children to live like bamboo, deeply rooted but also able to flex in the wind. When we are resilient, we are secure yet adaptable. We are connected yet independent. Moreover, if we do ever break under the pressure of the turning seasons, we have the wherewithal to bounce back.”
Resilience Parenting
Thank you for striving to be the guide to resilience in your child’s life!
From the Back Cover
Parents want their children to be resilient but often make choices that do not support the connectedness and independence that resilience requires. We are raising a generation of children who are not connected–to their families or each other–because an overdependence on digital communication and entertainment has robbed them of the fundamentals of real human interaction. Meanwhile, a culture bent on protecting children from challenges and disappointments is causing them to be overly dependent. Childhoods replete with instant everything, including instant gratification and guaranteed gold stars, rob this generation of the opportunity to build independence through hard work and occasional failure. Given this cultural climate, our choices about how to cultivate resilience in our children are critical.
There is a solution. We will explore together how parents can impart resilience, connectedness, and independence to their children. Our concept emphasizes the role of parents as teachers and prescribes using the three Pillars–Learning, Integrity, and Service–to construct conversations and actions that teach resilience. At the same time, we will specify how these Pillars lay the foundation for a fulfilling life that works. After helping you make your lesson plan for these fundamental concepts, we will delve into the teaching methods themselves, preparing you to teach with grace and aplomb.
About the Authors
Chris and Holly Santillo are passionate about the martial arts, music, parenting, and education. Chris is the founder and Head Instructor of Potomac Kempo in Alexandria, Virginia, and Integrity Martial Arts in Dungarvan, County Waterford, Ireland; he brings over twenty five years of teaching experience and holds Black Belts in multiple martial arts, including a 6th-degree Black Belt in Kempo.
Holly has been the founding conductor of several choirs, including the Mount Vernon Children’s Choir, Harmony Children’s Choir, and the women’s a cappella group, Canto, as well as being a Senior Instructor of Potomac Kempo and Integrity Martial Arts. Together, they’ve crafted a unique and powerful parenting approach rooted in martial arts principles, detailed in their book, “Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence.”
For three years they adventured around the world and through thirty-two countries with their three young children, which they have chronicled in “Five Backpacks Family: the Road Less Traveled.” With no home and five backpacks, they styled themselves as modern-day nomads. Their travel blog is the story of the journey, the fantastic things they saw, an inquiry into the nature of travel and the concept of home, and reflections on where and why the road less traveled ended.
Now settled in Ireland, Chris and Holly continue to share their experiences through their books, martial arts teachings, and song. Their commitment to fostering resilience and cultural understanding shines through in all they do.
Integrity Martial Arts ― Martial Arts in Dungarvan, Ireland
Potomac Kempo ― Martial Arts in Alexandria, Virginia
Five Backpacks Family ― Wandering and Worldschooling
Resilience Parenting — Raising Resilient Children
Harmony Children’s Choir — Children’s Choir in Dungarvan
