PILLAR: LEARNING

We all want our children to succeed. It is unwise, however, to manifest this goal through overmanagement. Instead of protecting children from failure, we will better serve them by imparting the knowledge they need to protect themselves. Furthermore, for the sake of resilience, we want our children to possess the skills they need to attain such vital information on their own. These are the components of the first Pillar: Learning. Our responsibility as parents is to teach our children how to learn, cultivating faith in their ability and a desire to do so. With the right frame of mind, we might just learn something too.

LEARNING AND INDEPENDENCE

To be independent, you must be able to take care of yourself. You need to have what it takes to stand on your own two feet and do what is required of you without help. You must possess the means to find your own answers to the questions that vex you and guide yourself through your days. Accomplishing independence, therefore, requires you to know much and maintain confidence in your ability to learn that which is yet unknown.

For our children to have independence as adults, they must accumulate a tremendous amount of information and skills during their childhood. They must assimilate topics as prosaic as how to reconcile a checkbook, master a recipe, and develop a hygiene routine, as well as topics as sophisticated as how to reconcile an interpersonal conflict, master impulses, and develop a cohesive value set. It is our responsibility to create a childhood that facilitates the gathering and processing of all of this information. If we succeed, the result will be young adults who are prepared to maneuver through life’s challenges.

There will always be challenges in life, however, that exceed our children’s experience. In order for them to supersede these stumbling blocks, we must teach them to be assured of their ability to master the unknown. Their faith in the ability to do this—to obtain necessary knowledge, no matter how impossible the task may seem—derives from their relationship with learning.

By helping our children have a healthy love for gathering and processing new information and skills, we set them up for success in whatever endeavors they may choose to embark upon. Rather than being stumbling blocks, their challenges will become stepping-stones to climb—and we all know how much children love to climb! Without a healthy relationship with learning, children encounter a new challenge and conclusively say, “I don’t know how to do that.” Our independent children will add, “But I can learn how.”

To learn more about how to advocate for learning in your relationship with your child, check out the information on “The Art of Teaching” in part three of Resilience Parenting.