Gratitude – the Cure for Entitlement

I would like to begin by dispelling a myth about gratitude. We do not teach our children about gratitude for the development of their good manners. I believe as much in good manners as anyone–probably more than most. However, in sooth, we teach our children about gratitude because it is foundational to living a happy life. The fact that expressions of gratitude make for good manners is a mere secondary effect.

In every moment of our day, we can choose to feel entitled or grateful. Every time an opportunity opens up in front of us, we can either tell ourselves that it is our due–which may or may not be accurate but is irrelevant–or we can be thankful for the world that brought it to us. With every bite of food, we can either think of what we did to bring it to our mouths, or we can think of the network of people and systems and the miracle of biology that made our meal possible and be appreciative.

And when you transition your mindset from entitlement to gratitude, either by chance or deliberately, you feel differently about the world. The entire experience of your day is different when you are feeling grateful. And THIS is why we teach our kids to be thankful. Not because you deserve to be thanked for cooking their dinner, though, of course, you do. And not because their teachers deserve recognition for all of their hard work, though indeed they do. And not because they will make better friends if they can be grateful, though of course, that is also true.

We must teach our children to incorporate gratitude into their lives, not to make their lives more full, but so that they can appreciate how full their lives already are.

And in this way, we can see how gratitude builds resilience. Often when we are feeling broken, it is because we had an expectation that was not met. But that expectation was probably built on an unreasonable sense of entitlement, anyway. So if we learn to employ gratitude in broken times, having practiced it in times of confidence and positive self-awareness, we can extract ourselves from entitlement. We can learn to be thankful for the chance to try, regardless of the outcome. And with that, we can gain the strength and the will to pick ourselves back up again.

The fact that you are breathing this breath, that you have the eyes with which to read this, that you have so many wonderful things to look forward to are reasons enough for gratitude. If times have been challenging or frightening, that simply illustrates how much we had to be thankful for before. And if we’re honest with ourselves, how much we have to be grateful for now.

Yes, your child should thank you for making dinner. And if they forget, you should remind them.

And remember to be thankful that you have that wonderful child in your life, too.