A Conversation For The Ages – Parenting With Honesty and High Expectations
We had just walked across the border from China into no-man’ s land. The last guard to check our passport smiled and waved as we walked away, then he turned to his fellow and said something we couldn’t understand, which made them both laugh.
It was short work to enter into Kyrgyzstan, but once there, you see there is nothing for miles in any direction. The day was wearing on, and at about 10,000 ft, it was cold and getting colder. We stopped to put on warmer clothes. Then we laid the truth on the line for our three boys.
The Conversation
“Listen, guys; I don’t know how long we will have to walk.”
“We did all the research we could, but we still don’t know exactly how this is going to play out. The customs station looks like it is four kilometers down the road. With luck, there will be a taxi there. If not, the next town is about forty kilometers away, we’ll have to keep walking.”
“Are you with me?”
The Limits of Our Omniscience
It was a hard conversation as a parent. We hate admitting the limits of our omniscience. But, in the name of integrity and learning, we must. Our children need to see that there are things we don’t know—and watch us learn them. How else will they ever come to believe they can someday learn everything they will need to know?
And so, after this little “pep talk,” our sons, aged 7, 8, and 10, walked with all of their luggage for about four kilometers—without a word of complaint. Nothing motivates like high expectations. We are all so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for—and so are our kids.
We made it through. At the end of the mountain pass, there was a taxi. He charged an arm and a leg to take us, but I guess that is to be expected. As we piled in and headed down the mountain, the view took our breath away. In my memory, there is perhaps no place more beautiful in all the world.
Lessons For Parenting
- Lead with honesty and forthrightness; it inclines our children to listen.
- Share the limits of your knowledge, it acknowledges your humanity and makes you — and your lesson–more accessible.
- Create high but reasonable expectations.
- Be patient, be creative*